How Not Finishing Will Make Me a Better Runner

When to call it quits? This is a question most type A’s probably never ponder. And neither do runners. So just imagine how type A runners are reacting to this question!!* Quitting just isn’t an option!

But sometimes quitting is the smartest option. And sometimes it’s out of our hands. I learned this the hard way around mile 12ish this past weekend at the Women’s Half Marathon in Tampa. After dropping to the ground (as I am told), I was far beyond the ability to make a reasonable decision – and my body took over.

I knew I was feeling crappy somewhere around mile 6 or 7. But I struggled with that whole “mind over matter” issue. I was running along the pier and loved the feeling of the breeze hitting my face. But that still wasn’t enough to get me out of a funk. And I have to say that is unusual! A happy thought, a pretty view – these things usually set my mind back on track, even if my legs and feet are screaming. I started thinking - perhaps I took off too fast? maybe it was too hot? maybe the lack of sleep is kicking in? I recall setting a goal – if I can get to mile 7 (more than half way there!) I can play a song off my iPod. Well that was a lousy reward!! Music never irritated me so much!! Nothing was working! And my poor running partner and coach!!. I am surprised she didn’t just trip me and put me out of the race at that point! I wasn’t exactly the most pleasant person to run along side! (To her credit, she remained cheerful and supportive!!)

I would love to write about the remaining miles and what thoughts went through my head - but truthfully, it’s all pretty blurry. I can only recall flashes of moments. I was so thirsty, but all the fluid was swishing away inside me. At one point I believe I took a cup of Gatorade and poured it on my head. And I recall needing the assistance of both my coach and a good friend to help me walk/run straight. And I recall a few odd looks and offers to help. It sounds oddly reminiscent of some Thursday nights in college, but this was a Sunday morning amongst runners!

The thing is, somewhere around mile 10 or 11 – despite being a complete mess, stupidity took over. I refused to stop. I kept worrying about how bad it would look to DNF (Did Not Finish) during a half marathon! I was expecting to reach a PR (Personal Record)! So while my judgment was left somewhere on the course, ego stuck with me. So here I am – apparently looking completely delirious, and I am worried people will think I am weak if I don’t get to the finish. I wonder what the runners thought when they saw me on the ground puking with a couple of IVs in my arm. My arm and ego took a bit of a bruising there.

Lying in the emergency room with more bags of fluid being pumped into me, I started remembering all the people that stopped to help me. My goodness – Kay was massaging my cramping calves; Lea held my head and I promised not to throw up in her direction; Kath and Rebecca waited around till I got into the ambulance; I remember seeing and hearing Paula and countless others. All of these women had times they wanted to beat. They had their own races to run. But they stopped and helped me. I still have trouble accepting this – the outpouring of help and concern goes beyond anything I’ve experienced. I oscillate between feeling the overwhelming love – and feeling overwhelming guilt for impacting their races.

And so this is why I write this…. If I am going to impact anyone else’s race – I want it to be positive. Here are some things I’ve learned:

1. If you feel dizzy – stop. Sounds obvious, but I bet more than one of you have continued racing even though you felt a bit off.

2. Hydrate. Not just the night before or the morning of the race. I am actually told that you should begin on Wednesday!!

2A. Eat. I actually forgot that a lot of our hydration comes from the food we eat! And many of us overlook this simple act. With everything going on, I will often look at the clock around 2 PM and think, oh – I haven’t had breakfast! But then get on a conference call for another hour!

3. Fill out the back of your race bib! Seriously. I couldn’t remember anything when the EMTs were asking for my address, phone number, etc. Thankfully my sweaty bib had some info on it! (An ID bracelet is even better)

4. Run with a friend. In fact – run with several friends!! There is nothing better than having someone watch your back.

5. Recover. I am writing this one as I reminder to myself! As Jane, a true life coach explained, “Your organs were seriously compromised. You were on the verge of renal failure and possible coma. This isn’t a typical race recovery.” So if you suffer anything outside the typical race soreness – take it seriously. In fact – take all recovery seriously. You’ve got many more races to run!

6. Oh one more – run with a cell phone! I usually don’t, but will try to now. Several of us wish we had ours on hand Sunday. They didn’t do much good sitting in the car or hotel room.

So – as a type A runner, it’s my duty to find the lesson in this. Why did this happen to me? And why this race? (Did I mention this was the first race I ran completely – and I was on pace to finish nearly 30 mins ahead of my PR???) Well – I think this was nature’s reminder that I need to have a little more balance in my life. I probably can’t go full throttle in every direction. So I will listen to my body – and not ignore the warning signs. Stopping is not the same as quitting. This was also a reminder that I know some of the most supportive, loving women in the world! (As if I needed a reminder for this!)

I’ve got a lot to be thankful for this year – and I am sure you do too!

Happy Thanksgiving to you and yours!

*And for the record, runner is defined by anyone who has put on running shoes and set a goal.

Head, gut and heart align on the trail

A year ago this time life was very different. I had completed the Chicago Marathon and was fired up to do two more in the next six months. Ha! Despite a carefully planned running schedule – known as the Swedish Fish Plan – none of it came to fruition. My running scaled back and I ended up not even training for the Disney Half. It seemed life just got in the way.

Jump ahead one year – and today I feel like I have enough going on to fill two lives! And that is exactly why I can’t let my running take a back seat!

For the past few months I have been training for the Women’s Half Marathon in St. Petersburg, Florida. It’s next Sunday. But factor in children, work and travel and I haven’t created the perfect recipe for training. But I’ve noticed on the days that I run, I can cope with life so much better. So last week in Ireland – I made a point to pack my running gear and make a modest run around Monaghan. The hills were hillier, the air was definitely chillier, the scenery was breathtaking – and by the end, my frozen cheeks were sore from smiling! It’s hard not to be happy after an experience like that.

No doubt - running is free therapy. (Some days it’s even like free drugs! You walk away like you’ve taken a happy pill!) In fact, I am learning the harder I run, the better the therapy. And a pleasant side effect is I actually become a better runner.

Today’s therapy bill might have been quite high – had it not been for running. Around mile 10 – after literally moaning or groaning in pain – clarity took over. Things that worried me seemed to slip away. It’s like I dropped them on the trail somewhere – and I surely was not going back to look for them! Running doesn’t solve my problems; it just gives me the clear head to handle them. And in some cases, like today, a good hard run helps my head, gut and heart align. And once again, my cheeks were sore from smiling. And that’s something I couldn’t imagine happening in a therapist’s office!

I Tri-ed: Olympic Athlete I am Not

I completed my first Olympic distance triathlon on Sunday. I won’t lie. I thought it was hard. It was really, really hard. But getting to the starting line was almost as difficult as crossing the finish line. And I wondered – as I rode along the bike course alone – should I have even attempted this?

A bit of background – an Olympic distance triathlon is approximately shy of a mile swim (I can never really tell!), about 24 miles on the bike and about 6 miles running. In my case – all were slightly over. Call me an overachiever – but I always swim way too far away from the course, I missed my turn at the bike loop and I ran off the trail in the wrong direction for about 5 minutes on the run! This is all completely and sadly true.

But even without the mistakes, I think the distances are challenging And my eight-week training program was interrupted by life: multiple trips – both me and my husband (which means challenges in sticking to a schedule); holiday get-aways; and the stuff you don’t want to miss (class plays, birthdays and baseball games). It seems there has been lots of life this summer. I might have gotten a solid three weeks of training in – and the rest was DWYC (do what you can!). There is a reason you don’t see DWYC training groups marketed all over the country – the return rate would be 0%. Participants would routinely pass out on the course in the 93+ degree Florida heat - and vow to never do this again!

So, with my DWYC training under my belt – I registered for the tri just minutes before the deadline. And then an unexpected change in plans left me in search of a sitter for Sunday morning. Did I mention I needed someone at 5 AM? I considered just passing on this race, but one of my trusty teammates would not let me even consider that! So thankful for that push – err, gentle nudge – and for the good -hearted sitter who arrived at 5 on the dot!

But still –even with everything falling into place – I found myself on the bike course wondering if I should even be among this group of fit athletes. At least I assumed they were fit – I didn’t really see many of them as they were so far ahead of me! Doubt crept in – as it can easily do - and I started to come up with good reasons why it would be okay to drop out. I hadn’t done the right training. I have too much on my plate (coincidentally – I eat too much on my plate!) I wasn’t ready for this distance. I was quickly able to come up with dozens of excuses!

And then I started thinking about why I even wanted to train for this ridiculous event – and wondered would I trash my long-term goal of completing a Half Ironman? And I came up with several really good reasons to continue. (They better be good -- because when you come in near last – no one would blame you for walking away quietly!)

• Nothing helps me deal better with life than a hard run, a good swim, a long bike ride and a goal. (okay – maybe a glass of wine, too!)

• Because teams/coaches push you to be better. I would never push myself as hard if there wasn’t a group of people around me. This is what made my lonely bike portion of the tri so weak. My teammates and fellow racers absolutely inspire me and motivate me.

• And finally – the support I get from my training group is worth every drop of sweat I have lost on the trail.

On mile 3 of the run, I was on a dirt trail in the woods. I had just passed a group of people who were loading their bikes onto their cars to go home. I still had 3 more miles to run and my legs were starting to cramp. Anthony –one of my teammates who completed his first triathlon the day before – and his wife, Emily were sitting on a log, ready to cheer me on! Everyone else on my team had passed already – but they waited for me! That alone was inspiring. But as my legs began to seriously cramp, and it seemed that I would need to walk the remainder – they both started walking with me! Then, as I was ready to run again – they ran along side me! By mile 4, Coach Jane joined us on her bike leading the way. And a half mile later, Coach Lea joined us, too.

Jane broke into a game of “Name that Tune” which quickly lead to a group sing-along of 80s TV theme songs! (And I learned that belting out a tune actually makes me run faster!) No doubt, any campers who saw us would have had a good laugh. As we were approaching the finish line – Lea encouraged me to pick up the pace – and crossed the finish line with me – while Jane, Emily, Anthony, Rebecca, (her Dad), Laura and Heather cheered me on. Now – I heard there were many spectators and music at the finish line. But the music was long gone – and so were those spectators. But thankfully – our team came equipped with our own entertainment – Jane’s sing-along and the best cheering section you could ask for!

At tonight’s swim training – Coach Lea asked if I would do another Olympic distance tri. Enthusiastically yes!!! Life won’t get easier, the commitments won’t go away and we will always have too much on our plates – but knowing the support I have from this group – someday there will be a Half Ironman race on my calendar! (Just hope our cheering section brings blankets and coffee – that will be a very very long day!)

Not ready to make up... yet...

Okay – running and I had a fight this weekend. And I am still a little angry. Not ready to make up yet. Sure, we’ve had our ups and downs over the past two years, but nothing I can recall being too upset about. Then came the longest training run ever, on what felt like the hottest day ever.

The goal was to finish 24 miles Saturday morning. We have been training using a 2:1 method. Two minutes of running, one minute of walking. Paula and I have found this method to be very manageable over the past couple of months. I think my mistake with the Disney Marathon in January was not having a consistent training plan. I would run 4:1 or 8:2 – basically did what I felt like doing until I got tired. But the goal is to NOT get tired. This is where I fell short on Saturday.

We started out at 4:30 AM. (You would be surprised at how many people actually do this! I am not the only fool out there!) I was tired right from the moment I woke up – and not anxious at all. That should have been the sign. I am usually a wee bit anxious, nervous or excited about the challenge ahead of me. But I wasn’t. Just tired. By mile six I was thankful we were making a pit stop at the store. The next round of running fools had arrived to start their training around 6ish… so we had some quick conversations, a little Gatorade and continued on. It was exactly the boost I needed. By this time however, we were already soaking wet and weighed down by the humidity. But only 18 more miles to go!

I could go on and on – but basically – 18 miles is a long way to go when you are soaking and tired. I had my usual bouts of fatigue followed by surges of energy – my typical ebb and flow. But something just didn’t feel inspiring. I think ultimately, there was little fanfare in finishing 23.5 miles. (Paula’s Polar said 24.03, my Garmin said 23.5.)

And then I felt like crap the entire afternoon. I can deal with feeling lousy if I just finished a marathon and hobbled around all day with a medal around my neck, eating pancakes at IHOP – BUT when I just hobble around all day explaining I ran 24 miles in this heat, most people just think it’s stupid.

The day wasn't a complete wash. I did reward myself with a brand new pair of Brooks Adrenaline running shoes… much needed. And they’re actually more useful than a medal!

So here it goes – I have to make up with running, because I have to break in these new shoes. So hear me out running: I am going to forgive you for Saturday’s unfortunate experience. I am going to erase the memory of miles 14 – 22. We’re gonna start fresh, thinking about Chicago, the victory and those pancakes!

This isn't a victory party...

Around 2 o’clock today I looked over at FaceBook – it’s where I get all my news these days - and saw a few posts about running 24 miles tomorrow. This will be our longest run of the training cycle – thankfully, because any further and I’d demand a t-shirt, medal and fireworks at the start. Anyway – the posts were all about HYDRATING. Oh crap! I knew I forgot something today.

Why is remembering to drink so hard? I drank like a fish in college so you would think this would come naturally to me. But it doesn’t.

There was something else I screwed up. I RSVPed to a birthday party for this weekend. I had it all planned out in my head for Sunday afternoon. But it just hit me like a ton of bricks – that party is tomorrow. I ran to the invitation – and sure enough – 1:00 – bring your swimsuits. Oh crap. Kids, swimming, loud noises – all to cap off my near-marathon run. Not how I envisioned it all. I was truly thinking about a long nap, in a cool dark room… it is what makes getting up at 3:30 AM tolerable.

Well – with any luck – I will be able to hydrate at this party – just like I did in college!

Attempt at Your Own Risk

Before you ever venture out on the grueling task of your longest training run there are three things most people usually have:

1. A solid base of training

2. A decent hydration plan

3. And a healthy dose of courage mixed with a dash of crazy

Saturday morning was THE morning. Twenty-two miles. I ran the Disney Marathon this past January. The longest training run I ever did was 20 miles. And I only did it once. (I was supposed to have gone that distance twice in training, but honestly – my iPod died by mile two and I about died by mile three – so that was that!) But now I am a veteran of training and I felt well prepared to go 22 miles. We’ve been doing, 17, 18, 19, 20 for the previous month - what was two more? Nothing too crazy about that. But here is where you need to heed caution…

Imagine going that distance – when 13.1 is the furthest you have ever gone. And that was nearly 5 months ago… Meet Rebecca.

I haven’t mentioned Rebecca before – because while she is part of our Chicago marathon group, she has been MIA. Each week we’d wonder if she was going to start training… and with only seven weeks to go, the window of training was closing fast. But here she was Saturday, perky and armed with instructions from our coach: DO NOT GO MORE THAN EIGHT MILES. So, she would run with us for four and turn around. That was the plan – a plan that never saw daylight. Because by the time we got four miles out – it was still too dark for her to run on her own. And she was feeling good – runner’s high had kicked in. We stopped for a picture at 13.2 – this was the first “FIRST” of many on this run. Around mile 18 we asked her how she was feeling – and she was a bit less perky and the walk breaks were getting longer. But so were mine. But mile after mile, she kept going. And here’s why: Rebecca had nothing to prove to us – we know she can finish 26.2. She had to convince herself. Like many women, she is her toughest critic.

We spoke Saturday evening. I was on my way to EPCOT, after spending a day at Chuck E Cheese – and she was on her hands and knees collecting a thousand Splenda packets that her soon-to-be two-year old dumped on the floor. She sounded happy and was even talking about next week’s run! But I still wonder, after she hung up the phone, was she was ever able to stand back up again? We’ll find out next week!

Track workout in the garden of good and evil...

Some days I just really need to run with people. I am not sure if it is because I am lazy or because I just prefer walking. (Or is that the same thing?) Either way – I am happy the rain stopped before we hit the track last night – because otherwise I would have to go to Plan B.

Plan B is the treadmill. When I first started to run, I loved the treadmill. You’ve got your TV, the temperature-controlled gym, the very flat course – I mean the conditions are perfect. But somewhere around mile 4 or 5 – I start to get really ticked off at whatever is on the TV. I start to criticize (silently of course) people who come into the gym and spend 20 minutes on the treadmill and leave. (And wonder how the heck they are so thin when they barely broke a sweat!) And I actually start to envy anyone who is outside. All in all – this is not how I want to feel when I am working out.

So while I was glad I got to go to the track, I was less than thrilled with the workout in place. We basically had to run a mile at our specific paces – cool down for a loop – run two miles at our goal pace – cool down and then run another mile at pace. It didn’t look so bad on paper – but ouch! Had I gone to the gym – I am not sure this would have been completed. As it was – I wasn’t sure I was going to finish it on the track. When I run – I spend half of my time thinking of excuses as to why I should stop. I am not kidding. I do not think this is normal. But it actually passes the time. I spend the other half of my time thinking about why I should finish. This is probably the runner’s equivalent of the angel on one should – the devil on the other. My inner devil runner is pretty convincing, though. If it were just me and the devil – boy, I am sure we’d be sitting on the couch eating cookies instead of running.

While the angel on my shoulder is incredibly quiet and shy – my running group is a bit more vocal. Thankfully. The shouts of encouragement and high fives – as they finish their workouts and head to their cars - are exactly what I need. Sure, they’re home eating dinner by the time I round that last lap – but it is satisfying to know that I completed the workout I was supposed to do. Now – if I could just stay away from the coach and cookies…..